In his book of reflections called “The Book of Awakening” Mark Nepo has a powerful quote “We are so achievement-oriented that we often surge right by the true value of relating to what’s before us, because we think that accomplishing things will complete us, when it is experiencing life that will”.
This resonated strongly with me, especially the younger me. I was the oldest daughter, came of age during the women’s movement of the 1960’s, and although I made very traditional choices of marriage and family, there was another movie playing in the background. I had to be the BEST homemaker, mother, craft maker, PTA officer….. I needed the acknowledgement of others to give me the joy that simply doing a good job should have given me.
We all want and need to be noticed, validated and affirmed. I think what Mark is saying is that this achievement mentality can blind us to the moments that make up our life and that affirmation should truly be from within.
I know that most of that clarity simply comes from the wisdom of life experiences (if our eyes are open wide enough), but through coaching I try to help others who might not have yet grown into their perspective of being in the moment, giving themselves that internal “pat on the back”. My objective is to help people create “intra” dependency…to become more self nurturing, moving beyond the “need” that can immobilize us at different stages.